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Heidi Montag Sells More Albums Than I Do

admin — Thu, 04 Feb 2010 03:51:14 +0000

According to Soundscan, Heidi Montag’s new album, Superficial, sold only 658 copies in its first week of release. They say that like it’s a bad thing. The girl “bankrupted” herself to finance this album, spending, as she claims, almost $2 million to make it. So, if I have my math right, and you assume most of those purchases were through iTunes which takes a $3 cut, she has made a return that is statistically insignificant from a flatbed trailer of miscellaneous excrements.

By contrast, I produced grateful/disorder for $0, which is almost $2 million less than almost $2 million. I used equipment I already owned, performed everything myself, and mixed it with free software. If you add in distribution, it cost me $35. The most expensive part was having CDs printed so I can sell them at shows. So you might say I turned a profit on my first album sale. (You might also not say this).

Who knew I could be a better businessman than Heidi Montag? And all thanks to the books at my local library.

Do beards write better songs?

admin — Tue, 26 Jan 2010 19:30:07 +0000

So many good male singer-songwriters are bearded. And I’ve noticed that there seems to be a correlation between the type of music one performs and the amount of hair on one’s face.

Bearded songwriters include:

Ray LaMontagne
Samuel Beam (Iron & Wine)
Andy Hull (Manchester Orchestra, Right Away Great Captain)
Bon Iver

Bearded men write more peaceful, lyrical, soulful songs, while the shaven men tend to write more clever, melodic or pop-friendly songs. Or maybe the beards force you to write music this way.

Unbearded songwriters:

Ben Gibbard (Death Cab for Cutie, Postal Service)
Andrew Bird
Ben Folds
Conor Oberst
Every female songwriter except Madonna

Beards are gross. I don’t even know why I brought this up.

grateful/disorder available on iTunes

admin — Mon, 28 Dec 2009 18:03:38 +0000

Go buy it. Listen. Write a review on iTunes. Even a horrible, scathing, brutal review about how much you hate it and how I’m so ugly. People will still buy it out of curiosity.

Unless you want to see me fail, in which case, don’t do any of those things. Just know that I hate you.